The adult who saves a kid is usually already there. The Foundation is a vision for helping children and young adults without dependable family support find that adult, and for helping that adult afford to stay.
Why
Researchers once followed nearly seven hundred children born in a single year on the island of Kauai, studying their lives over four decades. About a third grew up facing serious adversity: poverty, family violence, or a parent’s illness or addiction. Many struggled, as expected. But roughly a third of those considered high-risk grew into capable, caring adults.
When psychologist Emmy Werner examined what helped these children overcome their circumstances, supportive relationships emerged as one of the most important factors. Not necessarily with a parent. Sometimes it was a grandmother, a teacher, a neighbor, or another adult who took a lasting interest in the child’s life.
Decades of research have found much the same thing. Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child identifies at least one stable, committed relationship with a supportive adult as the single most common factor among children who develop resilience despite serious hardship.
The landmark evaluation of Big Brothers Big Sisters found that, after eighteen months, young people assigned a mentor were 46 percent less likely to have started using illegal drugs and had skipped about half as many days of school as those awaiting a mentor.
But the research also reveals something harder: the relationship has to endure. Studies of youth mentoring have found that relationships ending prematurely can leave young people worse off, while longer relationships tend to produce greater benefits.
It is not enough for someone to show up. They need to stay.
I recognize the childhood described in that first group. I was raised by no one, in several countries. I put myself through high school by working nights as a waitress while skipping multiple grades. By the time I was taking my final exams, I was essentially homeless, staying at a friend’s house. What I had, at different times, was a neighbor or a friend’s mother. No program ever found me. Kindness paid forward by regular people who were often struggling themselves is what got me through.
The gap
Many mentoring and youth-support programs rely on a parent, guardian, school, or another adult to initiate enrollment or make a referral. These requirements often exist for good reasons, including children’s safety. But they can also create an obstacle for a child whose parent is absent, addicted, abusive, or unwilling.
The child who has no one to complete an application, make a referral, or advocate on her behalf may never reach the services intended to help her.
The need does not end at eighteen.
At fifteen, nineteen, or twenty-two, it may be the same young person searching on a phone at night for someone to explain what to do next.
The Foundation is a vision for reaching those children and young adults.
The proposed approach
The adult who makes the greatest difference may already be present in a young person’s life. A neighbor, a friend’s mother, a teacher, someone who has begun doing the work without being asked, and often without much to spare.
The idea behind The Foundation is to help young people find safe, dependable adults in their own lives, help those adults stay, and make it easier for young people to continue their education and eventually support themselves.
The guidance would be available online, where young people could find it without needing a parent, guardian, or organization to refer them.
Here’s how I imagine it working.
Finding the one person
The Foundation could offer practical guidance on how to do this deliberately: whom to look for, how to recognize someone safe and trustworthy, how to approach them, what to ask for, and how to keep the relationship going while maintaining appropriate boundaries.
The idea is not necessarily to assign a stranger to a child. It is to recognize and support the relationships that may already be there.
Helping that person stay
A friend’s mother who feeds a child three nights a week may be paying for those meals from her own grocery money. In lower-income communities, the adults most willing to help may be struggling to provide for their own families.
One possibility would be to offer a modest stipend to a vetted adult who is already providing consistent support to a young person, so that financial hardship does not become the reason that support ends.
A small fund without unnecessary hurdles
Sometimes the obstacle between a young person and the next stage of her education is surprisingly small.
An exam fee. A laptop. A college application. A bus pass to a test center.
Another possibility would be a small fund for these immediate needs. A young person could apply directly, through a short application, without enrolling in a mentoring program or writing an essay about what happened to them.
There would need to be basic eligibility checks, but asking for help should not become another obstacle.
Where it stands
For now, The Foundation is a vision, not an operating organization. It is not a registered charity, is not providing services or financial assistance, and is not accepting donations.
I am sharing the idea because I believe the need is real, and because someone else may see a way to make it happen.
My own work is primarily in writing, exploring resilience, relationships, and what enables people to overcome difficult beginnings. I would welcome the chance to develop this idea with people who have the experience, resources, and interest to build something like it.
If you work with young people raising themselves, have experience in mentoring or charitable programs, or see potential in this approach, I would love to hear from you. Especially if you have done something similar and have experience or resources to share.
If you are a young person who needs help today, please visit the Helplines page for organizations that can offer assistance now.
Research: Werner & Smith, Overcoming the Odds: High Risk Children from Birth to Adulthood (the Kauai study). National Scientific Council on the Developing Child, Supportive Relationships and Active Skill-Building Strengthen the Foundations of Resilience. Tierney, Grossman & Resch, Making a Difference: An Impact Study of Big Brothers/Big Sisters, Public/Private Ventures. Grossman & Rhodes, The test of time: predictors and effects of duration in youth mentoring relationships, American Journal of Community Psychology.